About Waiting...

Let's start on the Home front.
I'm waiting to be told the truth. The truth about everything. I've been lied to my whole life, just it's all bullshit. I'm waiting to be told that I'm a good kid, and that no, I'm not the reason why everyone is on edge when I'm around.

With guys, that's another issue. I will meet these incredible, amazing guys. Sweet as anything. Then, I wait too long and they move on. They'd ask me out and I'd wait to long to answer. I had to think about the decision I'd be making. When I'm ready to say yes, they've moved on. Its not like I take days or anything. Just too long. I feel so guilty. And then they date these girls, the luckiest girls. They don't even know how lucky.

BTW- Done summer school. :)

Over the past few weeks I've surprised myself. I realized many things that most certainly scare the shit out of me, and that there's absolutly nothing I can do about it. I've been questioning things latley, pretty much everything you can think of... Also, I've broken down and decided to start blogging... Forgive me if it takes a while for me to get better at this. "Is it worth it to be sad If it's harder to be glad To be alive?" An unsupportive, dishonest family. A lack of good friends, people who I can honestly say care, and having nobody to let me know that I'll get through these hellish months send me into depressions that I truly hate. Nobody seems to understand that I don't want to be this way. Theres certain measures I take. Honestly, some good, some very wrong, and I feel terribly about them both. Why does trying to get better make me feel so uneasy? I try to break out of the sadness myself, but truly, I'm not stong enough. I wait to long, and things get worse: pretty much the story of my life.